Just as children can struggle with AS so too Aspergers in adults also presents challenges and hurdles. There is no cure for Aspergers. Hence kids who are diagnosed as having asperger syndrome will carry many of the difficulties and symptoms into their adult life.
Symptoms Of Aspergers In Adults
The symptoms in adults are similar to those in children and young people. Keep in mind too that aspies have strengths as well as weaknesses, just like everyone else on the planet. So even though there are challenges and difficulties there are also strengths that need to be remembered and encouraged.
- Difficulty with problem solving
- Problems making predictions
- Problems using high-level verbal reasoning skills
- Difficulty in participating in general conversations including ‘small talk’
- Difficulties with seeing and understanding the view points of others
- Difficulty empathizing with the feelings and emotions of others
- Tendency to become stressed when routines are altered
Strengths may include:
- Average to above average intellect
- Passionate about a specific hobby or interest
- Ability to work well within a set routine
Aspergers In Adults May Produce Challenges
Some of the areas that aspie adults need to work through and develop skills in may include:
- Relationships
- Marriage
- Intimate Relations
- Parenting
- Work place
Relationships
Everyone, regardless of whether they have asperger syndrome or not, struggles at times in relationships with others. It is true that aspies may have more difficulties than some, but the fact remains that every person who has friends or is in a relationship sometimes find it hard to get on and communicate well with the other party or parties.
Those with aspergers can especially struggle due to the inability to participate well in ‘small talk’ and general, every day conversation. The difficulty with understanding jokes and abstract concepts can also make communications within a relationship somewhat harder than the average relationship.
Difficulty understanding social cues may also make communicating somewhat challenging for those with asperger syndrome. Finding it hard to understand facial expresses or to read between the lines with what others say or do can also make relationship building a challenge. Being attached to fixed routines may at times make it difficult to develop deep and meaningful relationships.
But regardless of the challenges it is possible to develop real friendships and relationships, but will take some effort and understanding from everyone involved.
Marriage
One issue that can especially arise in marriage is the difficulty that a person with aspergers has in empathizing with others. Emotions and feelings are important in marriage, or any relationship for that matter, and if the couple is unable to share these emotions with each other then it can put additional strain on the relationship and marriage.
It may not even be that the person with aspergers does not experience emotions, but rather that he or she does not know how to express these emotions. If you step back for a moment and imagine what
it would be like if you did feel various emotions in different situations and yet were unable to know how to express these emotions, then what would you do? How would you feel in such circumstances? According to some aspies this is indeed the case, that they feel emotions, sometimes evenly strongly, but are not able to display and express what they are feeling inside.
Intimate Relations
There is also the issue of relating sexually. It may be difficult for an Aspergian to fully grasp the importance of the entire concept of courtship and relating that precedes sex. It is really important that this whole issue be discussed and brought out into the open so that the marriage relationship can have the very best chance of success.
It may be that the one with asperger does not have a high sex drive, as some people who are married to aspies have indicated. Or it may also be that they simply do not know how to relate intimately with another person. If social interaction is difficult then being physically intimate can take this difficulty to a whole new level!
If you are in a relationship with someone who has been diagnosed as having asperger syndrome then it is important to discuss this situation with someone who understands aspergers. Do not just suffer in silence if this is impacting you or someone you love, but rather reach out for help.
Parenting
Parenting is not an easy task at the best of times. When one or both parents have aspergers then the task of being a parent may be even more challenging. It is important that the situation be explained to the child as they grow so that they can better understand that both parents love him or her and that it is because of the asperger condition that some of the additional challenges arise.
Problems may come up when routines and schedules are broken or changed. If the kids are meant to do something at a certain time and this gets altered then it may cause stress for the aspergian parent.
It may also be hard for the aspie parent to understand and empathize with the emotions that the child is feeling or expressing. This can leave the child feeling like the parent doesn’t care, when this is not the case.
Perfectionism can also cause strain on the relationship between the parent with asperger and the child. If things are not done the way the parent wants and they become angry then the child may learn to fear the parent and pull away from them.
Work Place
Oftentimes aspies feel most relaxed and comfortable when they operate within fixed routines. Hence a job that does not throw up unexpected surprises is probably the best choice for those diagnosed with asperger’s syndrome.
Possible Career Ideas
Many Aspergians can still live a very full and happy life and enjoy a fulfilling job or career. It is important to select a line of work though that plays to the aspie’s strengths while minimizing the need to rely on areas of challenge or weakness. If you enjoy technology and have a good eye for detail then there are many jobs or careers that you could pursue. Hence below is a list of possible career or job ideas.
- Designing websites
- Photography
- Computer programming
- Drafting
- Auto mechanic
- Building trades
- Video game creator
- Drafting
It is important to find something that you will enjoy doing day after day and that will not stress you too much. This list hopefully will spark some ideas for you.
Misspelling of Asperger
Sometimes when people have not known of Aspergers previously and they are researching the topic then they may type ‘Asberger’ into the search engine online instead of the correctly spelled Asperger. For instance, ‘Asbergers in adults’ or ‘asberger in adults’ may be the term that they type in to find out more information. I just thought that I would mention this as you may arrive at this page and be happy to learn the correct spelling of this word.
Conclusion
Aspergers in adults can be challenging just as it is for children and teens. Hence it is important to seek assistance from a support group or professional that understands the hardships faced by those with asperger and the family and friends of these people.
Even with the difficulties involved it is still possible for those adults with aspergers to live happy, fulfilling lives, to enjoy healthy relationships, to become parents and to have an interesting career or job.
Resources:
FAAAS – Families impacted by Asperger Syndrome
http://faaas.org/
Wikipedia – Aspergers
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome
Adults with Asperger
http://www.wisegeek.com/what-are-the-main-symptoms-of-aspergers-syndrome-in-adults.htm
Asperger Emotions
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/aspergers-diary/200809/asperger-emotions-and-adult-relationships
Workplace ideas
http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/asperger_syndrome_and_adults
I was only self-diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome this past month at the age of 58. It has lifted a heavy fog I’ve been under since as far back as I can remember. I did not suspect autism until I began working with autistic children as a substitute teacher’s aide two years ago. I saw a shadow of that little girl of decades ago in a 12 year old girl in particular. Her behavior hit so close to home that I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I did the research followed by talking to my doctor and with teachers of autism units. My diagnosis has been a life-changing experience for the better. I’m not fighting in the dark any longer. I accept the diagnosis as a gift. It doesn’t define me, but it sure does explain an awful lot!
Find out late in life I am living on the autism spectrum is like living on the same street for decades without knowing the name of the street. I’m so thankful I know the name now!
I am sure that my partner of 10 years is on the autistic spectrum. Sometimes he is quite open to this idea and at others despite my reassurance that it doesn’t make home any less valid a person, denies or gets resentful about me suggesting this. He is essentially kind and does a lot of practical things to support me but I find him quite self centred and dismissive of my feelings. He gets very anxious particularly if anything happens that upsets his plans and is becoming increasingly socially isolated (he has no friends and struggles in his relationships with his children). Sometimes he gets so distressed he will talk about being better off dead although I don’t think he seriously wants to kill himself (he has been taking antidepressants for a few months)
The thing I find most difficult is that he constantly blames me for his low mood, is often very grumpy and quite unpleasant to me. It feels as though if there is a negative interpretation to take on what I do and say then he will take it. We rarely socialise as a couple and when we are with family he will often withdraw. Trying to maintain my own equilibrium and essentially positive outlook on life is incredibly hard but it feels like I not only have to manage my own emotional regulation but his as well.
He once saw a counsellor for a short time but didn’t find this of any help. I am a qualified therapist myself but in some ways this makes things worse. How can I help him, given that he is reluctant to help himself?
Hi Gill
I hear your heartache and I wish that there was an easy answer on how you can help your partner, but there is no such answer that I know of!
May I suggest that you look at these links?
– http://www.autism.org.uk/
– http://www.autism.org.uk/asperger
– http://www.aspergerfoundation.org.uk/info.htm
– http://www.autism.org.uk/get-involved/about-us/contact-us.aspx
You may find some helpful local support that you could direct your partner to.
I hope this helps in some way.
I wish you both all the very best and pray for a good outcome. 🙂
Justine
I am 60 years old – I preface my remarks with this because back when I was a kid, we had no name for what I was other that “weird” and this led to a lot of bullying. It was especially difficult as a young girl because women are supposed to be nurturing, social, and extroverted. While I struggled for many years trying to fit in (the bit about not being able to read people rings loud and clear) I was always a little off the mark, but I wanted to let everyone know there is hope. I have a very rewarding job in computer programming, I found someone who understands me and have been happily married for 32 years, I took up photography 10 years ago and found that I am pretty good at it, but not only that, solitary hikes with my camera brings me amazing peace. Plus I can go to social events with my camera and be part of a group without having to actually converse much. And all-in-all, I am content. I scored 40 on this test, and wish it had been around sooner so I would have had an explanation for why I am the way I am. Childhood and young adult years were horrible and I was always either anxious or depressed. But I adapted and survived and am, on the whole, happy. So for anyone who is still struggling, please know that there is hope, and these days, you can find tools like the ones on this website to help you reach mental clarity and balance. Don’t wait until you are my age to figure it out. You are beautiful just the way you are – not just a cliche, but absolutely true.
I am glad you had the courage and resolve to persevere in spite of the challenges, to not just survive but thrive, and most importantly, to reach out and speak your story.
Greetings, I found your website very interesting and thought about leaving a comment. I am not really used to writing comments since most of the times I surf the web I prefer just reading than providing any output. I took your test and scored 31. I have been to a psychiatrist a couple of years ago because I fell into a severe depression and he pointed out that I have some traits in my personality that fits into the Asperger syndrome, I believe it happens to be mild in my case. I have never really thought anything was wrong with me since most of the characteristics that may be problematic such as lack of empathy seem to be absent in me, I am 25 years old. I am quite a loner and I think that that may have lead me to facing more difficult challenges in many aspects of my life. I don’t share the need or tendency to be around people, it just appears pointless. As a child I can recall times when I just used to isolate myself and avoid people for no apparent reason. I also have social anxiety. I find it very hard to make friends and haven’t had a girlfriend yet, I have very few friends. Luckily I have a loving family and they help me get along in this tough world. I have spent years not talking to anyone except my family. I also have many strengths, I have a keen analytical mind inclined toward logic mostly, while I am not good at arts, poetry, sports and stuff. I find it very hard to make eye contact and hugs just seem awkward to me. I cant make small talk, it is like it doesn’t come spontaneously, I have to think a lot, it wears me out, I just don’t know what to say, my therapy sessions almost always ended up in deep philosophical debates. I suffered a lot from depression, it was something very painful to me and it set me back a lot in my studies, which was very frustrating since I have always been a perfectionist and a remarkable student. I am having a very uncomfortable life now and I find it hard to set it right, change is very hard for me, I can’t seem to find my way. The world seems so complicated. I am just looking to be in peace but it can be so hard to find. I hope you don’t mind I share something about myself although I don’t know if it makes any sense doing it. I wish you well and to all the aspies facing difficulties.
Hi Patrick
I appreciate you sharing things about yourself and your own life.
Change is also something that I find difficult. So I appreciate what you said about your own challenges in that area.
Please always feel free to stop back here and share your thoughts.
God Bless You,
Justine
I have not been clinically diagnosed with Aspergers but everyone says I probably have it. I have no social interaction with people except at work and even then it is minimal. My company doesn’t let me have direct client contact though I have had that with great success in the past. All other interactions I have would best be described as between a cashier or customer service person and me. Nothing gets any more intimate than that.
I am stressed by practically every conversation I have with people because I think I’m always saying the wrong thing and/or I’m just not being understood. With so little interaction, I know that I tend to ramble on and on just for the sake of having a conversation. Talking to myself gets lonely. I can tell that interacting with me is a challenge for others though I have no way of ‘fixing’ it when I have no idea what part of the interaction is ‘wrong’.
Making friends is impossible as the first conversation usually gives the other person enough information and after that, they’re not interested. Because of this lack of connection–for more than 50 years!–I have to admit I’m just not interested in people. I can’t process the conversation because I’m trying to figure out how its being interpreted and I’m left empty, upset, and alone. So, what’s the point? My career has suffered. At this age, I should be much further along, but I don’t know how to succeed. I am great at what I do but I’ve been doing the same thing for 20+ years with no upward movement.
Obviously, something else is at stake. I’m saddened that it has taken this long for me to realize that it’s ME and it’s my inability to “get” what everybody else automatically “gets”. Apart from this, I suffer from depression that I ascribe to a head concussion that happened in 1968 that left me hospitalized for two days. I have no memory of the accident, but I now know that concussions can lead to damage that causes depression.
It has been a lifelong struggle to put a smile on my face, yet I am a great comedian, actor, “crazy voice guy”, etc. Just don’t get personal. As long as it’s acting, I’m in control. When it becomes real intimacy, I can’t process it. There’s not enough time in the day to answer all of my questions. Is there any help for this?
I’m 100% convinced I am an Aspie. I just wish someone had noticed and intervened by now. Kind of late in life now.
Hi Friend
I truly do appreciate you taking time to share your comment and I hear the struggles that you have and still are experiencing.
Life is not always smooth sailing, that is for sure.
As I have said to others, I do wish that there was a quick fix solution, but there is none that I am aware of!
One thing that I have found helpful is knowing that I am not alone. Others are also having similar struggles and challenges. Perhaps this may also be a small comfort to you. I realise that it does not ‘fix’ anything, but I hope it helps.
Honestly, being diagnosed later in life probably does not help a whole lot as you have already learned coping mechanisms that you use every day.
I wish I could help you more.
Please if anyone else has any thoughts that could be useful in this situation then please reply with your comment.
Thank you again and God Bless you today and into the future.
Justine 🙂
Hi, my father had aspergers, and all my life I’ve been called “different,” and have felt “different.” I scored a 43 on your test here. A counselor years ago suggested I get tested for aspergers, but I never did. A psychiatrist later diagnosed me with PTSD(mostly because of severe anxiety attacks I’d go through in which I would self injure myself, and due to extreme dissociation), generalized anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and major depression disorder. I am not comfortable with diagnosing people with labels like this, and am already not comfortable with having myself diagnosed with those number of things, nor do I feel like the diagnosis are accurate. My husband assumes I have aspergers just as a matter of fact thing; it doesn’t affect him. I suppose my question is this: what are the pros and cons of being officially diagnosed with aspergers syndrome?
Hi Jane
Pros and cons of being diagnosed?
I would say that these vary from person to person and family to family.
For children and teens, it would seem to be more beneficial to get a formal diagnosis as early as possible. As skills can be taught to help these young people better manage and live in our modern society.
Some adults do decide to get a diagnosis as the ongoing issues can be bothering them and causing problems in relationships, family and work etc.
Others decide that it is not such an issue and that they really do not see the benefits of a formal diagnosis.
For some people just knowing for sure can bring a sense of peace after years of wondering and questions.
There is also the question of whether a diagnosis will leave a ‘label’ that may some adults would prefer to avoid.
So, Jane, it truly must be a personal decision that you make and that you are comfortable with.
I hope this helps and little.
You and your family are in my prayers. 🙂
Justine
I’m kinda unsure what to do, I was diagnosed with chronic depression for 7 years. I know I had a lot of difficulty with my peers when I was young, but now I can do very well. I’m having a hard time deciding whether or not to pursue talking to my psychiatrist about it because I only got a 33 and I do well in social situations even though I hate them and go home and have a small breakdown after them. I feel like I don’t connect to people the same way others do, I learned facial cues and inflection and can now reasonably assume how people feel even though I can’t really connect to the feeling. I can mirror and imitate social cues now with the exception of eye contact (something I rarely do). A lot of things say that I should have interests in things and categories but if I had to say that I had a special interest it would be people. Like studying people and the science behind why social cues exist and how they came to be, etc. I’m good at problem solving but only if I know what the end result should be. A lot of things say people on the autism spectrum are good with numbers but I have a lot of difficulty with them, so I can’t really do math unless I’m given the problem and solution and I just need to show how to get there. I’m also unsure because a lot of research says that the symptoms are different in girls but not much research is done on female autism. I do have a few things that could be considered stims such as hitting my hands together fist over fist repetitively when I’m stressed, anxious, or need to focus; I also have a tendency to shake my hands a lot (not quite flapping) when I’m excited. I have a few verbal tics as well such as my Indoor Voice Yell which is just the prolonged holding of an “aaah” sound at a speaking voice level when I’m distressed or worried. It would be nice to have an explanation for some of my difficulties but I also wonder if it would be much help now that I’m an adult and “high-functioning”. I think I’d just be worried to bring it up and then not be diagnosed and have no real explanation for anything, plus I think it would be embarrassing if I was wrong because people might think I am just attention seeking like they did before I was diagnosed for depression. It’s a very complicated thing, I think.
Hi Gab
Thank you for opening up and sharing your situation with us.
I understand that it is not an easy thing, but since this is bothering you so much I do recommend that you carefully consider talking to your psychiatrist.
At least give it some thought.
Perhaps getting your thoughts and concerns out there may be a help in itself.
You are in my prayers and I pray for wisdom and direction for you.
God bless you, Gab 🙂
Justine
Hi Justine,
I love your website – informative and non-judgemental. I am a Davis Autism Approach Facilitator, and have worked with many Autistic and especially Aspergers individuals. I find them to be enjoyable, interesting, honest and usually fun.
The Davis Autism Approach may not be known to you, but I thought I would bring it to your attention as it is comparatively new, but has been in research & development mode for many years. It has successfully helped many aspergers kids and adults make changes in their lives to help with their relationships and participation in life in general. The feedback from the autistic individuals I have worked with has been very positive. Feedback form family members has been great.
The international website is http://www.davisautism.com my own website is http://www.autismnsw.com
Thanks for your lovely website.
I took this test on two separate occasions and got 31 and 29. I noted the comment that those with Asperger’s tend to have a difficultly empathizing with others. I am better able to empathize, but everything else pretty much applies to me. How can this be? Are my answers out to lunch or does the test fail to completely identify this particular characteristic? Note: I am a gifted person, with a Mensa-tested IQ of 154
Hi Connie
I appreciate you sharing.
In order to find out answers to your questions you really need to find someone in your area who is familiar with various aspects of Autism and the spectrum. You will then be able to discuss your concerns and find out further information.
Here is a website that you may find helpful as a beginning point:
http://www.aspergers.ca/
God bless you in your search
Justine
I have felt different my whole life. I was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age, but I never felt like that diagnoses was correct. I’ve always had a difficult time relating to my peers. It’s only been recently that I can make small talk with people, and that’s only because I’ve read several articles on how to do it. People usually describe me as eccentric, and honestly, that’s always bothered me. My fiancee is very similar to me and I think he might be on the spectrum. But he hates labels and refuses to talk about it. He gets frustrated if I mention that I strongly believe that I am on the spectrum. I took the quiz and scored a 42. I’m wondering if I should get an official diagnosis or just leave it alone. My fiancee says it’s pointless because it doesn’t change who I am. But I feel that a diagnosis might help me feel okay with being a little “eccentric”.
Hi Mandy
Deciding to obtain a professional diagnosis is totally a personal decision that only you can make. Your fiancee is correct in that a diagnosis does not change who you are, but it can often help in knowing what skills you may want to focus on to assist you in relating to others and living a more stress-reduced life.
Many people decide to get a diagnosis, while many others decide to just leave it. Either way you can research on your own and find out positive ways that help you in your daily life.
Whatever you decide, I wish you all the very best. Please know that you are always welcome to come back again in the future and to share your comments with us. 🙂
God bless you and your family
Justine 🙂
I am 29, and I got 36 in the Aspergers Test.
I am a computer programmer and I love my job. Of the friends I do have, I often don’t see them for months at a time. I was pretty shy growing up, but have realised in the last 8 years or so, as I get less and less shy, that it isn’t my only point of difference. I haven’t been formally diagnosed, but it is interesting to read up on.
As far as relationships go, I have only had a two long term relationships, the latest is in it’s 4th year. My reluctance to talk about my feelings is likely a factor in my first breakup, though he never talked about his either. He suffered in silence, and I well, never noticed until he wanted to end it. While it turned out for the better, I am doing my best to not make the same mistake again.
Hi Samantha 🙂
It is great to have you visit our website and to leave your comment. Thanks.
I always love hearing that our readers enjoy what they find on this supportive site.
Please feel welcome to continue to visit and share your own thoughts and experiences.
God’s Blessings,
Justine 🙂
I have taken several online tests regarding Aspergers/ASD. Each had a maximum score of 50, with 32 and above being the range referring to higher probability of having the disorder. My score has ranged from 43 to 49. I have also consulted several doctors and therapists, who gave diagnoses ranging from manic depressive disorder (psychiatrist) to generalized anxiety disorder (primary care physician) to obsessive compulsive disorder (2nd psychiatrist). After going through months of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), 2 family members with masters degrees in psychology asked me to read an article and tell them if the article described my situation. The article was about Aspergers disorder, and described my situation vividly. I then informed my therapist and psychiatrist of the findings and also found the name of a local psychotherapist (via PsychologyToday.com) specializing in treating Aspergers clients. I have been in contact with the psychotherapist and psychiatrist since March 2015 and have been experiencing some progress in learning how to cope with my condition.
Hi Ronald
It is great to read your comment. Thank you for sharing it. 🙂
I am happy to hear of the support that you have in your family and also thru your contact with PsychologyToday.
That is fantastic that you are learning skills and ways to live a fulfilling and satisfying life. You are an encouragement to others. So keep up the great work! 🙂
Take care,
Justine
I only recently found this site. I am shaking as I write this. I don’t yet know if I am on the spectrum; I have taken the test on this site twice, once from my own perspective and once with my husband’s input since he is kind, loving and caring and wants to help me find answers. I am 58 years old and come from a poverty stricken circumstance in my early years (until 9 yrs old) and a dysfunctional extended-family situation. Once I scored 34 (on my own) and once I scored 32. I don’t know if a lot of what I experience is a result of my upbringing, circumstances, and life experiences or truly reflect the way I was created.
Some of what I am doesn’t seem to fit the aspergers profile. I am waiting for a referral to contact me for an appt. with a psychiatrist. This may sound really strange but I am terrified – not of being diagnosed with aspergers, but of NOT being diagnosed with aspergers. I have felt alone and out of sync with the world all my life and have become a connoisseur of counselling and even a few anti-depressant meds. If I don’t find answers – the missing piece of the puzzle – I just don’t know where else to turn.
Others have visible handicaps and the world can see that they are playing as well as they can with the hand they are dealt and respect them for it. I don’t want a ‘handicap’ label, in fact I hate labels stuck on people, I just want understanding and for people to see that I am doing my very best with the hand I’ve been dealt. Instead, they seem to think I’m not playing at all – that I’m just a poor loser (metaphorically and in real life).
I often feel as if I have a volcano of emotion and anguish inside just waiting to erupt and sometimes it does. As much as I have tried to control the eruption the lava has become insidious, flowing out to everyone around me including my two adult daughters (one with my only grandson, who is a high-functioning autistic 12 year old that I feel great compassion for). My husband is used to being my care-taker and any attempts on my part to function more independently have left him confused and me extremely frustrated.
I feel like I am a good person but that no one except a few new friends whom I know through my husband’s efforts, feel that way. I am afraid to try to be the real me when relating to these few individuals for fear that they, too, will be gone from my life and I will be even more alone.
I have been hovering over the ‘submit’ button for a while now, afraid to reach out, so finally scrolled up and read each comment. I’ve found something I could relate to in almost every one and in many I related to almost everything. As I read about all this pain I so related to it that I cried. I would never have started looking in the autism direction had it not been for my grandson’s diagnosis. One day will forever stand out in my mind: as we were going in a family group to dinner and walking up to the restaurant, a loud motorcycle roared by; in unison my grandson and I clapped our hands over our ears while everyone else seemed to barely even notice. I think that is when I started to wonder about myself. I have become passionate about yoga, it has given me something to hold on to, taught me compassion for myself.
I hope and I pray daily that I will someday get some answers and some peace of mind. More than anything I want “to thine own self be true” would that I could only know that true self.
Hi Nita
Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing your thoughts in your comment here. 🙂 It is not always an easy thing to do, but can be an encouragement to others and also to yourself.
My heart truly does feel for you as I read what you wrote. I can also relate to some of your own struggles.
I truly do hope that all goes well for you with the upcoming appointment and that things do work out for you in a way that will be helpful for you in the future.
There is no easy or quick answer or solution to many of the challenges that we encounter in our life on this earth. (I sometimes wish there was! 🙂 )
Please feel free Nita to stop by and let us know how you go with your appointment.
Know that you and your family are in my prayers.
Justine
My now 18 yr old has transitioned from a diagnosis of classic autism to that of Asperger’s. In the past 5 years I have recognized myself in him more and more. Our 15 yr old daughter received intensive treatment through the Infant Intervention Program in our locality when she was young and improved enough to no longer qualify for services. We all took the test and our daughter scored a 26, our 18 yr old Aspie son got a 31, my husband scored 36, and I took the cake with a score of 41. I am looking for a professional for a dx, but it is difficult to find someone in our area willing to take Medicaid.
I have done this test 3 different times, over the course of 8 months. First two times I scored 36 and the time I scored 39. Perhaps, I will go talk to my MD about this.
There are a lot of diagnosed children with ASD in my family.
My partner and I have talked openly about this possibility of my ASD for the past 5 years, we have been together for almost 12. We have figured out ways of talking about things in our relationship once we began the conversation about potential ASD.
Thank you.
Hi Ursula 🙂
I think that is a wise decision to go and talk to your family doctor about the topic of Aspergers and the autism spectrum. That meeting should give you a good starting point to move forward and see if it will be helpful to obtain a professional diagnosis.
It is great to hear too that you and your partner are working out ways to communicate with one another in ways that work for the two of you. That is fantastic and something that we all need to work on in relationships with those we care about.
Thanks again for reading our blog. All the very best,
Justine 🙂
I have a brother that I suspect of having Asperger’s. My mother always thought there was something wrong with him when he was a child. However, the doctors told him he was fine.
Well he was born in 1955 (before they started diagnosing so many children with autism) and since the end of 2011 he has been unable to cope with life. He had very little contact with me and my parents after he moved out of our parent’s house in 1979. He has had serious problems with bipolar disorder and alcoholism.
I think it stems from the symptoms that you mentioned and led him to these issues.
Hi Robert
Thank you for reading our blog posts and for sharing your comment. 🙂
My heart goes out to your brother and family. It certainly does sound as if your brother has had a difficult time with life. I wish there was an easy answer on how to fix it all up, but I know of none. Prayer has been helpful in my own life and perhaps it may be a help to your brother as well.
If you are able to support your brother and show him love and acceptance that could go a long way.
I wish you the best and pray for you and your brother to find the best way ahead.
God bless you both and your family.
Justine
I’m 24 going on 25. I scored 32 on the Aspergers Test.
I was diagnosed with severe depression when I was 23. My childhood was pretty normal. Grew up in a family of 7 kids. However, I was the loner of the group. Work related problems: My colleagues tend to find me a little anti-social and I get most of work done on my own. I rarely require help but when I do, I don’t find it difficult to approach others. Never really liked making new friends.
I’ve kept the same lot of friends I had since Kindergarten with a few exceptions along the way.
Hi friend 🙂
Thanks for your comment and sharing a little about yourself.
Blessings,
Justine
I find this very interesting. As a child I like to do things on my own and did not like to be picked up much. But I had some social interactions with kids my age. But my friendships often suffer because I am not empathetic and I do not trust/takes me a while to trust people. I had to learn how to express how I feel and to tell people how I felt in order to sustain relationships. I’m a very routine driven person and my partner is very laid back and spontaneous. I am learning to be more spontaneous (in some things) but still have to have a routine. When I am interested in something, I am Really interested in something (crime docs, magic realism, learning languages, etc.). I have self taught myself how to use photoshop and other software, even write minor basic code (not great at it). I really did not think of myself this way (as having aspergers or HFA) until I started working with children with autism. I am a graduate student studying linguistics and want to become a speech path and happen to get a job as an ABA therapist (which I love). Then I started to realize that I had some of the same traits as these children when I was a child. I collected and was obsessed pens (fancy pens) and still am, as a child, but I also was obsessed with reading. I made up a written language as a child with a friend because I was obsessed with Tolkien and his elvish language (hence studying linguistics). Often when people are talking about their feelings, I do not know what to say or do. I am affectionate, but only when I want to be and now realizing that people view that as being stand offish. I have said things that I thought were just normal things to say but others have taken offense or that it was rude, like telling someone who wants to be your friend and get to know you better that “you’d rather not talk on the phone because its too much of a hassle”. But I am not mad if this is my diagnosis ( I scored 26 on the AQ test) and plan on talking to my doctor about this. I think that all of my traits got me to where I am now. Working with these kiddos have been the best thing ever for me and I fully accept my label (if one was to come about) as a way to show kids “look at me and everything I have accomplished.
Hi LB
Thanks for commenting.
Good idea to follow up on your AQ test score with your doctor as the test score just gives an indication, but is never a diagnosis. 🙂
That is really cool how after working with the children you began to see some of the same traits in yourself. I have found that life certainly is a journey and we continue to learn all along the way (as long as we stay open to learning, which obviously you have 🙂 )
I wish you all the very best in the future and hope to hear from you again.
Blessings,
Justine 🙂
I have a lot of the symptoms, and I’ve been reading up a lot and asked my therapist to look into it for me. But I feel like everything takes too long and my friendships that I have made that are important to me are crumbling because no one ever seems to believe me and misunderstands me all the time..
I’m told a lot that I should KNOW something and they get upset because I say I don’t know and I don’t understand and instead of explaining to me I get told I’m just being difficult or I’m lying.. or I’m just trying to get attention..
I don’t know why I’m even saying anything here.. I can’t say things in the places I used to feel comfortable and my most important friend who means the world to me has given up on me and can’t stand to be around me anymore.. because I was afraid of them abandoning me and instead of reassuring me they weren’t they accused me of just being jealous of them hanging out with other people..
I don’t know what to do anymore…
I’m sorry for leaving this comment on an article that’s probably really old.. I don’t know.. I’m sorry.
Hi Friend
Thanks for leaving your comment and opening up with us on this site. I understand that it is not easy to do and so it is truly appreciated.
Being told that you are lying or trying to get noticed can be very hurtful! I know this first hand. It is difficult to get others to understand. I personally find that my family and sometimes even my husband do not understand why I respond certain ways and it is quite challenging to deal with sometimes.
Do you have anyone in your circle of friends and family who does understand you? Anyone who is a support to you?
It is often not easy to find someone you can trust and be yourself with who understands you, but if you can find such a person or couple of people then it is a wonderful blessing.
Please don’t apologize for sharing. You are not alone and you can help another person who is struggling by opening up yourself. So thank you for writing what you did.
Feel free to comment again any time you want to.
God’s Richest Blessings be upon you.
Justine
Hello
I am an asperguer mom and reading this make me feel a bit bad, but I need to say I understand your feelings, my son have the same problem. He is a very special boy and I wish sometimes to help to change that, sadly sometimes people do not have faith in others. But I tell him the ones rejecting you or telling you things like that are not your real friends. I am sure you will find in your life people who will love you and accept you for who you are, do not lose the faith and the courage, as well do not feel bad for those who are telling you bad things. Ask for help from your Dr. And the Doctor will guide you to find the correct help if you have asperguer or other problem. Good step you are doing is finding information for your own and I am sure your will find the tools to keep going and have a happy life. My best wishes and God bless you.
Thanks so much Nini for sharing your own thoughts and encouragement with us! It is greatly appreciated.
Justine 🙂
I was just wondering if a person actually has Aspergers then what do they recommend you do?
In reply to your question, the answer may differ for each individual. My first suggestion would be to seek advice from the professional who performed the diagnosis. They should be able to point you in the right direction in regards to ideas of what can help the individual person and his or her specific needs.
It is also important for family members to become better informed to discover how they can assist the person with aspergers or an autism spectrum disorder.
Thank you for visiting our site and leaving your comment.
Justine 🙂
I’ve just recently started researching Asperger’s out of concern for my 8 year old son, but as I read through sites like yours, I see so much of myself in them that it has raised more questions than answers, and additional questions as well. I am a single parent, have practically no friends, in spite of living in the same area for several years now – I have never been a social butterfly, but until I had my son, I at least managed to always make a few friends no matter where I have lived. My son does not do well in large social/group settings – he wanted to join cub scouts a couple of years ago, but he just sits there refusing to participate in the den meetings, not even wanting to play. His only interaction with the other kids is when he has something of interest to him and the other boys come over to see what he has. He is slow to interact with the other kids at his before & after school program, is extremely sensitive, gets frustrated quickly – throwing temper tantrums at home but not at school, and gets very upset at loud noises (not made by him). Last year he started crying every day about having to go to school – his grades are good, just didn’t want to go. His teacher said there wasn’t any bullying that she was aware of, and I started having him meet with the school counselor once a week for the last two months of the school year -they were thinking he may have anxiety issues. Is it possible for both of us to fall in the spectrum for AS? Is there any resources for parents & children who both may have AS to get more information/help from? My son was speech delayed & was put in speech therapy for 6 months and we worked with a CBRS for his behavior issues during that same time frame. As part of that, he was evaluated by a psychologist for the agency & they said he threw out some red flags, but as a state agency they would not diagnose or say ‘autism’, but it would be something to keep an eye on.
things are at a point where we are both getting very frustrated, and I need to find a way to help us through this. The only family I have in the area is my mother who is a detriment and cannot be counted on other than to undermine my efforts. Thanks for any suggestions!
Hi Tammi
Thank you for sharing! 🙂 It is not always easy to do, but I believe opening up can also open doors. 🙂
Here is a list of some useful resources related to asperger’s syndrome:
http://www.autismspeaks.org/family-services/resource-library/asperger-syndrome
(Note a couple of links on the website mentioned above may no longer work. But there are still plenty that do and hence the reason I included it)
I especially liked some of the information on this site:
http://aspergers101.com/
I hope that these sites will give you a starting point for your research.
I do not believe that there is a simple, one-stop answer to your questions (I wish there was! 🙂 ) But by researching and reading lots of information and others sharing their own personal experiences you will begin to see patterns and hopefully, gain some insights into your own situation with you and your son.
My heart goes out to you and I will continue to lift you both up in my prayers that you will find the direction and answers that you need at this time.
I hope to hear from you again and find out how you are both getting on.
God’s Richest Blessings upon you both,
Justine 🙂
I am 54 and have made my career as a successful supply cover teacher. This means I do not actually have colleagues and work mostly with strangers. If I stay too long in a school I start to become a bit stressed when i can no longer class the people I work with as strangers. I often say to people..I do not really know you…someone crossly said its been 2years! I have just scored38 on the AQ test and as I read the description I thought yes that is me exactly except that at 54 I have learned coping strategies.I have just one friend and as my husband tells me that is just because she clings to me like a limpet..we meet every Thursday and obviously she will not let me change the day or cancel or my name is mud. I just want to say that life is puzzling for everyone but for some more so than others and that with time you will learn coping strategies.when I look back on my childhood in particular I see how I have learned strategies and because we like routine we start by just mimicing what we see as normal behavior but it will soon become a routine so we are then seen as acting normally .which is why my children are still insisting I am not an aspie. They do not know how much it costs me in effort sometimes to do something
different like going to a new restaurant with my husband..but ever after we must sit on the same
table.life becomes easier ..
Hi Mary
I appreciate you sharing. Thank you 🙂
I also agree. We do often learn ‘coping’ strategies and mechanisms as we grow older. I find too that even with these ways of coping sometimes certain situations still cause me stress, which I am sure others experience too to some degree. 🙂
I too like routine and also find that life is ‘easier’ when I can do the same thing (such as sitting in the same place when I return somewhere 🙂 )
God Bless you, Mary 🙂
Justine
I went to a psychiatrist for Asperger testing and was given standard testing (MMPI, et.al.), no Asperger specific testing and then told I cannot possibly have Asperger’s because I have been married 6 times. She said those with Asperger’s would either never marry or on rare occasions marry once and if they divorced remain alone from then on, not even dating. Then she handed me a diagnosis of Avoidant Personality Disorder and Major Depression. She described how I would have been as a child if I had Asperger’s and told me someone would have *noticed* if I had those problems. When I told her she had just described my childhood very well, she dismissed me with what I can only describe as contempt and picked apart every example I gave her. When I reminded her that Asperger’s was not officially accepted until the 1990’s and I was a child in the 50’s and 60’s, she actually became snippy. When she asked where I reach out for support and I included online on the list, she was just plain rude. So, even though I fit the list of Asperger’s traits very well, even though my childhood read like the definition of Asperger’s and Asperger’s is the only diagnosis that has ever fit me (and I have had a multitude of those….passive/aggressive, dissociative personality disorder, bi-polar, etc.), I was told that if I had only one marriage under my belt, I would *qualify* for an Asperger’s diagnosis but since I had six, there was no way. My sense of relief to have finally found out what has been wrong with me my whole life was gone and I returned to the land of the lost. My depression grew worse and my self image of being a total loser for no apparent reason grew, as well. Nothing in her diagnosis explained me or my life like Asperger’s did. In fact, her diagnosis had only a small shard that fit at all and even the basis behind THAT did not fit at all. So I finally decided to start researching her reason why I could not possibly be an Aspie…having had multiple marriages. And I started finding many instances where Aspies had multiple marriages, right down to an article by an Asperger’s specialist that started out with Asperger’s being a starting point or possible explanation for a trail of failed marriages, among other things.
I want to be tested again, but there is no one where I live who takes Medicare who actually knows what they are talking about. My family will not accept that I could possibly have Asperger’s without a formal diagnosis and until they get that, they pretty much refuse to deal with me because I am the family loser they are sick of….they have already said if there was a REASON I am the way I am, it would be different, but sans that, they are done with me. I have an extremely difficult time maintaining friendships, so I have no friends where I live….at all. I rarely ever leave my house and I do not make friends easily….it is just exhausting trying to figure out what they want from me. I would like to have family support (even though my closest relative is over 8 hours drive away), at least over the phone, or even just to know they are there and they love me. Although I doubt my family would suddenly start loving me when it is clear they do not, I would settle for the illusion that would come with grudgingly offered acceptance. And maybe if people knew I had Asperger’s they might help me learn how to be a better friend by letting me know what they need. An expression I made up for a husband: *My crystal ball is in the shop, the parts have to be ordered from another dimension and won’t be in til next Friday….you are going to have to TALK to me!* because he always said I should KNOW what he wanted/needed…..and I was always clueless.
I have taken a number of online Asperger tests and tested well into the Asperger’s range on every one. After the psychiatrist was done with me, I told her this….I do NOT, by the way, recommend doing that….and she laughed in my face. Quite literally….she invaded my personal space, leaned down and in and laughed right in my face. Then, of course, she told me that all online tests are completely worthless. At first, I took all of her completely unprofessional behavior personally and wanted to crawl under a rock and die, but now I believe she should have her license pulled until she updates her education out of the dark ages. My family also refuses to accept online testing as indicative of anything….they also laughed and told me *that doesn’t count*, get some REAL testing. My score on the test linked on this page was 42, btw.
I am still looking for viable options for testing and counseling. So far I haven’t found any, but maybe one day someone will move to my area and set up shop. In the meantime, despite that psychiatrist’s derision, contempt and sneering laughter, I remain grateful for sites like yours where I can glean some self understanding and not feel so all alone.
Hi Friend 🙂
Thank you for opening up and sharing your life and struggles with us.
My heart truly goes out to you! Life is often not always easy, especially when we feel misunderstood and like we do not ‘fit in’. I hear what you are saying about feeling all alone! And I am glad that our website can help in a little way to show that you are not alone. I send out to you now a ‘cyber’ hug and prayer that you will know how truly special and loved you are.
I am sorry to hear that the psychiatrist laughed at you regarding the online Asperger’s tests. While it is true that these online test are NOT a diagnosis and do not give conclusive results, they do still give indications that further testing may be a good idea. In my humble opinion she was totally unprofessional in her behavior towards you and I am sorry this happened to you.
Please know that you are not alone and you are very welcome anytime to come back and leave further comments.
Have you looked to see if there is a support group for Asperger’s syndrome or autism spectrum disorders in your local area? If so then perhaps you could reach out and see if you can find support there. It is worth looking into anyway.
I truly do wish you all the very best for the future. 🙂
Your friend
Justine 🙂
Wow, according to the adult symptoms, I feel completely opposite to all of them except regarding conversation. The strengths I agree with though. What I can think though is that I took some psychology, sociology, education, public speaking and interpersonal communication classes with the purpose of being a better listener, empathizer and problem solver. I feel I have a good read on people as I tend to classify people in types. I see the same faces across different races and feel different personality types by facial features.
Hey Johnny,
Great to see you back and leaving another comment. 🙂
The list for symptoms is just indicative of what many people with Aspergers syndrome experience. It does not mean that every Aspie has all of the characteristics in the list. Rather it is a good starting point as an indication of possibly having aspergers or ASD (autism spectrum disorder).
Your point is also valid. As a child with aspergers or autism grows up it is possible to learn socially accepted skills and ways of behaving. These learned skills may also alter test results when a person takes as AQ (Autism Spectrum Quotient) test.
Take care,
Justine 🙂